Neck Deep in Code

My journey to delve deeper into programming continues; at work I am involved with several projects dealing with PHP & mySQL (as well as some javascript) and at home I’m working on a new design for this blog to replace the default one. I bought two books to help me in these endeavours; Head First PHP & mySQL and Head First Web Design. I’m going through the PHP book fairly quickly and highly recommend it, great material. The design book is a bit slower-going since I’m going through it at home and have to really motivate myself to study after work… even on something I enjoy. Unfortunately, my HTML/CSS skills aren’t quite where I’d like them to be, so I may run out and buy the HTML & CSS Head First book to add to my collection. …But I am gradually getting closer to my goal of merging my love of art and technology.

For a few weeks I was making single and double-ended dreads, which was time consuming but fun. Weaving them into my own hair is another story all together. Right now, it really isn’t worth it for me to weave them in for the weekend since I’d only get to keep them in for a few days and it takes a few hours to weave them all in. That, and it’s incredibly frustrating trying to braid the back of my own head. I need some helping hands, or at least another mirror. Also, Tim and I made the decision to dye my hair black last weekend, which was both spontaneous and fun; I currently have no desire to hide it.

Tim is gone this weekend to see family so I have the apartment to myself. This is both good and bad; bad because he is my other half, and for him not to be around… I don’t feel like myself, don’t feel whole. I can do all the things I would normally do of course, but it’s just not as fun without him. I also don’t fully relax without him around; this leads to staying up later and not sleeping as well… but that also means I stay up to get more done. The one good thing (if there has to be one) is that I get to crank my music. \m/ (I’ve been desperately trying to kick my crazy emoticon habit for the sake of this blog but needed to up the irons for this one!) I also get to sing as loud as I want, which is very theraputic and I don’t get to do it nearly enough.

I used to get singing lessons from someone downtown. When I first got into contact with her I couldn’t believe she was true; I wanted to learn how to sing metal vocals and strengthen my voice, and she taught me exactly that. She fronted a goth/metal/industrial/electronica band at the time and though I wasn’t into industrial yet; her band acted as a gateway for me. I loved hearing her strong, clean, gritty and carrying vocals over crunchy grungy metal, and soon she was opening me up to other bands like NIN (my current love affair). I learned a lot from her, very quickly, and even got to sing with her at a few local open mics. My confidence was (and likely still is) an issue though; I never felt good enough to be singing up on stage with her, and while I greatly respected her, I was beginning to idolize her, so lessons became tense since I never felt I measured up. I really wanted to be her; tall, beautiful, strong and confident to a “T”. Eventually, for various reasons, I decided to take a break from lessons to get some air and to deal with other issues in my life. Some six months afterwards, she moved to Toronto. I never doubted that she would move because I’d never heard a voice like hers before; she was driven and talented and knew what she wanted, so it was only a matter of time before she moved up. I regret not getting to spend more time with her but I’m happy for what time I did get. She changed a lot about her appearance when she moved and I don’t think she fronts that metal band anymore… I can’t help but wonder why.

I haven’t really done a lot of singing since then. It’s hard to find people that are into a similar style of music. Females aren’t dominant in metal (though female-fronted groups do exist and I am in to a few of them, feel free to suggest any) and Tim isn’t really into it. Once I get my new laptop and hook it up to my synth & my mic, hopefully I can really start experimenting and posting some stuff online. I’d like to meet others that share my musical interests.

At the moment I am sketching lotus tattoo designs found online to try and familiarize myself with the design of the flower, so that I can come up with a competant design on my own. However, it’s getting late and Tim isn’t here to cook… so I’ve got to figure out something on my own. To!


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