thawing out

The sun is staying out a little later each day, shining a little brighter. I hope that my brain is thawing out with it, ready for some creativity. I’ve been feeling like I’m in a rut, climbing up a wall, feeling grime under my fingernails. Creativity runs ahead of me, just out of reach. Every end a dead one, trying to find my way through the maze.

My trip to Ottawa didn’t yield much for creativity, but I did learn a lot. The Java course I took was extremely intensive, so I was a little burnt out and had little energy to do much else but relax/shop (and no complaints about being right across from the Rideau Centre). I settled on a lotus design for a tattoo the night before my flight out, but I hadn’t settled on colors so I didn’t bother getting it done. Browsing Deviantart for ideas yielded an artist up north of the province that does fantastic tattoo work, so that’s where I may end up going to get it done, when I’ve got the colors down. The Java part of the trip was successful; I not only learned Java syntax, I learned OOP theory and used some Java-related tools, including SWING and Eclipse (which I’ve been using for PHP anyway). The hope is that it will give me a solid programming foundation, something to help transition me into web development.

February and March have always been tough. The sun tries to break through the clouds only to be swallowed by snow, rain. The smell of spring is on the air but only briefly. The air is dry and cracks my skin, stings my nose. I think the trouble is being stuck, waiting for the change and not being able to bridge the gap. The weather takes its time changing, and it feels like the world follows.

Change in itself is difficult, but I feel I need it. What I’m doing now isn’t working, so it’s time to change up the factors and try pinpoint what’s holding me back. Is it the weather? The city? The music? Food? My hair (I quite like black, I must color it again soon…)? One by one I try and change the things that I can to bring back inspiration and color, but I haven’t gotten any results. I look behind me and see bright colors. I look to the present and see grunge. This can’t be right. What can I add to make it colorful again?

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